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The ultimate guide for a game day party that's way better than Todd's

Every year, it's the same thing. Football Sunday rolls around and the question of “Where are we watching the game?" pops up in your group chat. You volunteer to host, but everyone agrees that “Todd does it best." They always say that. So you go over to Todd's and watch them all marvel at his pedestrian pigs in blankets and scarf down his “famous wings" which are definitely just made with Frank's Red Hot and you die a little more inside each time.

But not this week, because this is the week that you throw the ULTIMATE game day party by following this five step guide. You hear that, Todd? THE CROWN IS OURS.

Step 1: Buy paper plates and all that crap

Just as football is a game of inches, a game day party that beats the Hell out of Todd's is all about the little things. Stock up on paper plates, plastic cups and all that other crap you normally forget about until it's too late, because there is not a single living soul on this planet that has enough clean plates to feed more than like three people at a time. And why should you? Cleaning them is annoying and all of the best foods (Hungry Man dinners, Big Macs, etc.) come right in their own convenient serving container. But until the day comes that we can IV all of our meals directly into our veins and end this “chewing" nonsense, just get plates.

Step 1.5: And chairs

Don't forget chairs. You can even buy those cheap folding ones. People need a place to sit and you can even build a little fort out of them if you buy too many.

Step 2: Oh, and ice

Unless you and all your friends are European, you're gonna want some ice to keep your drinks cold. A refrigerator is fine for storing drinks when it's empty, but add in even the smallest amount of groceries and grabbing a beer suddenly becomes a nightmarish game of Tetris that ends with at least one shattered jar of pickles.

Step 3: Decor

Throwing a good, no, great game day party requires effort, and there's no easier way to say “I tried" than by making a trip to your local party supply store and picking up some football-themed banners and trinkets. Something as simple as a chip and dip tray bearing your favorite team's logo should be enough to do the trick, but if you really want to go all out, three words: Football. Snack. Stadium.

Step 4: Make better food than Todd could ever dream of

Let's set aside the fact that Todd's famous wings are made with Frank's Red Hot (and maybe a little butter) for a second. Are wings really the best you can do? All you have to do is cook and sauce them with Frank's Red Hot, a little butter and I think I caught a hint of tarragon in there?

Here's a recipe for French dip sliders that look incredible. Here's one for something called a “pulled pork ring." Not good enough? How about a BACON RANCH CHEESEBALL?

There are far more inventive things you can whip up to show your guests who the *real* GOAT of game day is. Spoiler alert: it's not Tom Brady. It's you.

Step 5: Choose your drinks… wisely

Determining how many drinks to order for a party is like walking a tightrope. Order too few and you risk people leaving early. Order too many and guess who's stuck with 40 bottles of a beer they don't even like? You. You're stuck.

So before you place your order, here are a couple stats:

-The average football game lasts 3 hours and 12 minutes including commercials
-The average person can one drink per hour (one 12 oz bottle/can of beer, one 6 oz glass of wine, or one mixed drink with 1.25 oz of liquor) to maintain a healthy BAC

So if you're providing the drinks for a party of 10 and want an even mix of beer, wine and liquor, consider:

-3-4 bottles of wine. Consider a healthy mix of red, white and rosé. For a look at what wines pair well with your classic football foods, check this puppy here
-24-30 beers
-1-3 bottles of liquor of your choosing. We recommend having the basics on hand (vodka, rum, tequila) to satisfy your guests' different tastes.

If you want to whip up a fancy-but-simple recipe for 'em, mix up a big batch drink like sangria. Just make sure you give it a memorable name like, I don't know, “The Suck-On-That-Todd-Sangria."


Oh, and make sure you get some drinks for your friends who don't partake. Sodas. Juice. Earl Grey mixed with Red Bull. Whatever. For the ultimate party trick, get it all delivered by yours truly as your guests arrive and just before the game starts.