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The days of tripping up over the dirty, up, shaken, stirred, dry or with a twist are over, because today we're teaching you how to order a martini…just like Bond.

Step 1: Choose your liquor.
For the love of all that is holy, know if you want a gin or vodka martini. Some bartenders won't ask you to specify, and as a result, they may guess wrong. As magical as they may seem, bartenders are not mind readers. And if they ask and you don't know – well, you don't deserve to drink a martini. Another tip, state the brand you prefer. This isn't 20 questions. Be upfront with what you want.

Step 2: Customize to taste.
This is where things can get tricky. Here are some options:
  • Dirty: With olive juice or brine. Having your drink dirty brings a salty, olive-y, flavor and makes it a little cloudy looking. Good if you don't like the taste of alcohol.
  • Dry: Drizzle of vermouth. Extra dry means even less vermouth, as in, a splash.
  • Wet: More than a drizzle of vermouth.
  • Sweet: Sweet vermouth instead of dry vermouth.
  • Perfect: Equal parts sweet and dry vermouth for a balanced flavor.
  • Neat: Alcohol poured straight from the bottle. No vermouth. No chilling. You don't mess around.
  • With a twist: Lemon peel added as a garnish.
  • With an olive (or two or three): This is exactly what it sounds like. Also, you know what sounds delicious but is gross? Blue cheese stuffed olives. Approach with caution.
Step 3: Delivery.
Martini glasses are sexy. Rocks are practical. Which are you?

  • Up: This brings your drink in the traditional martini glass that makes it impossible to walk across the room without spilling. The benefits are that your drink has been shaken or stirred with ice (Mr. Bond), but strained before pouring so the drink doesn't become diluted.
  • On the rocks: Every last drop of your drink will arrive in a stemless glass with ice. Eventually, it will be watered-down if you don't drink it fast enough.

Step 4: Respect the martini.
Never drink four martinis. You'll probably even regret the third. Stick to two, at most.

For more on the martini, here is some suggested reading:

What does your martini say about you?
What's the deal with dirty (and extra dirty) martinis? (Seinfeld did not write what follows this link)
Is gin or vodka the correct spirit for a martini?



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